Tomorrow is Parent's Mental Health Day, and this year my thoughts have very much been around finding your support network as a new(ish) parent.
I'm not sure if we still count as 'new parents' with our little one being 18 months old now. But there's still a lot of things we are working out and while it occasionally feels like we have things almost sorted, then something will happen and everything is new and confusing again.
Recently I have been thinking about having a support network and what that means/ looks like. It's going to be different for everyone, right? Maybe yours includes friends, family, relatives, colleagues, team or club mates, maybe professionals.
When I think of mine I think about Laura and Henry (yup he's part of the team keeping me well), and friends that I honestly see only a couple to a few times a year. But they are people I feel I can be open with, who know about my struggles and successes. And while we cant always meet in person we regularly(ish) keep in contact via messages.
Whoever your support network is, it's likely I think, that they are part of your network of support because of who they are to you; as an individual and as a couple/ throuple/ polycule. Your relationship, the amount and type of support you are willing to accept from them will be informed by your own lived experience of relationships, trust, openness, communication and kindness.
If this is something you have positive experiences of, I personally believe that you are then more likely to have a stronger and wider support network; and potentially that you are more open to building new relationships and support structures. If you have negative experiences then I believe this will make starting and exploring these new relationships and support much more complex.
These beliefs are of course informed by my own experiences; I'll let you guess which I have more experience of.
If you have also had negative experiences, it might mean (it did and does for me) that letting people into your support network is really hard and something that requires a lot of gradual work, conversations, and slow trust activities.
A support network is also something to reflect on as you become a parent because often so much of your life changes at this point. Your availability, your pirorities, your routine, your commitments, your energy, and your sleep (and your ability to avoid viruses) changes. This can mean your existing support network isn't able to support you in the same way as it has before, just as you may not be able to support others in quite the same way you had been. This does not mean these relationships end, they just change. And at that point you may want or need new or different support.
Identifying the type of support you need or want can also help, that might include:
Emotional Support: Who can listen to and encourage you? Who can show you empathy, concern, affection, love, trust, acceptance and care?
Practical Support: What support do you need with logistical issues, child care, sorting out the post or washing?
Social Support: Who do you have fun with? Are you keeping in touch with them? Are you taking part classes to keep a sense of connectedness?
Self-Support: Are you eating well, exercising regularly, getting enough sleep (the sleep might be tricky, but it's important, maybe try rotating your nights)? What about keeping your stress intact and keeping your energy up?
If you are thinking about looking for some new or different support, I've found a few of these quite interesting or useful resources for different types of support. I'm sure there are many more, this is just a few I've read.
Young Minds - How to set up a parents support group
Action for Children - Parenting Support
Barnardo's - Support with being a parent
The Parenting Network - Parenting
While not linked above I would also mention things like NCT and local library activities. I've shared my not amazing experience of NCT, but it definitely has a role it can play in creating support networks. And local libraries are amazing, I loved going along to Rhyme Time with Henry when I had time off work. There was always opportunities to talk with other new parents there, and you know two things about them already; one, they are local, and two, they are looking for things to do. So have a chat, ask what groups they are going to or if they know of anything else locally. Maybe see if they want to get lunch some time (I feel like I can only do lunches now, never dinner. There is far too much happening at dinner time!).
I think it's also important to try and make time (and the opportunity) to incorporate your existing support network in this new stage. Talk to your friends about your experinces, what's been hard, what's been amazing; and how are you managing. Not every friend or person is going to be the right person for you. It might be your closest friend is the best support for you, or it might be someone who's more of an acquaintance. Whoever it is reaching out to them and having this open space is so important in terms of supporting your wellbeing; which in turn supports your babies wellbeing.
Blogger's note: This post does not include sponsored content. This none of the services or charities mentioned have seen this post before it is published, nor have they instructed me on what to say. The views, experiences, thoughts and insights expressed in this post are my own. The links included are direct web links and are not affiliate links.